Recent news stories 3 Jul 2008 - Jessica Simpson's Boobs Win
Jessica Simpson might not be the smartest. Or the most talented. Or the prettiest. Or the best at singing. Or particularly skilled at cooking. Or a perfect shot. Or good with a crochet hook. Or a master of archery. Or--you get the picture. But one area in which she excels over all is the chestular area! In Touch Weekly conducted an urgently important poll in which readers voted on the "Best Celebrity Breasts" and Jessica...
(full story) | 30 Jun 2008 - Whore: the Other White Meat
Eating meat makes you plenty of things. It makes you a carnivore, it makes you full of protein, it may make you more susceptible to heart disease and gout. But according to Pamela Anderson, it makes you a bitch. And furthermore, a whore. Pam was recently interviewed by an Australian radio station, and when asked what she thought about Jessica Simpson wearing a "real girls eat meat shirt," Pam snapped, "I think she is a...
(full story) | 23 Jun 2008 - Papa Joe Did Not Measure Jessica's Pubescent Pontoons
Jessica Simpson wants you to know that not everything you hear about her and daddy dearest Papa Joe Simpson is true. Sure, Joe may get pleasure out of taking creepily inappropriate sexy photos of his daughter, but he does not have any input into Jessica's underwear selection. According to Us Weekly: Jessica Simpson opened up about her dad during a radio interview in Colton, CA on K-FROG 95.1 Tuesday. "There have been stories that...
(full story) | 4 Jun 2008 - Jessica Simpson Sets the Worldest Lamest Record
With her baby sister newly wed and expecting an emo-fant in the coming months while her own clam chunnel creaks like the basement door at the Munsters' house, Jessica Simpson doesn't have much to celebrate. So we guess under those circumstances, having her new single make really, really pathetic country-music history is cause to break out the party hats and Zima. According the Tennessean.com (yes, seriously): Jessica Simpson may be most known for her...
(full story) | 23 May 2008 - Jessica Simpson Bungles Romo-ance Via Braff and Leto
If you are anything like us (and we can see by your cool soul patch and silky dragon shirt that you are), you've been wringing your hands and grinding your teeth, trying to figure out what specifically went wrong between Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo. Thank God, then, that we have the National Enquirer to clue us in. It seems that she'd been enjoying a little outer-romance romance will the likes of uberdouches Zach...
(full story) | 21 May 2008 - CNW Junk Drawer: Still Big
Jessica Simpson gives herself a breast exam. "Are they still big? Yep. Yep. Still big." (Egotastic) Hey, ladies. Hold on to your panties and your cocktails, because Kiefer Sutherland is single! (Derek Hail) Tina Turner says that Beyoncé will never be rock n' roll. Oh yeah? Well guess what, Tina? You'll never be polka! Eat that! (Female First) Shania Twain has learned an important lesson: don't marry a straw-haired producer of...
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