Recent news stories25 Feb 2008 - Jennifer Garner Survives Harrowing Busey Attack
Gary Busey is like a dildo secreted away inside a Jello salad at a family reunion: unexpected and fun for everyone! During an interminably long red carpet session prior to last night's Oscar ceremony, the pink-hued mega-star showed up, inexplicably, to zazz up the night with his inimitable grace. Inimitable grace, tombstone teeth, and a sexual assault upon Jennifer Garner's person....
(full story) | 31 Aug 2007 - Don't Touch Jennifer Garner's Boobies
Jennifer Garner doesn't care if you punch her in the face, scratch up her skin, or pull her hair, just don't touch her boobs. Those things are sacred. Our...
(full story) | 6 Jul 2007 - Jennifer Garner Proves Emptiness of Uterus with Teeny Bikini
It seems that in her down time, when she's not having a grand old time being the happiest Norman Rockwell painting come to life, Jennifer Garner is a fan of gossip blogs. Sure, her tiny little bikini can be explained by the fact that she's on vacation in Hawaii, but she's been there for weeks it seems, and this is the first time we've seen her in beach attire. No, last week Jen read everyone's harsh words about the possibility of Fleck semen fermenting in her lady innards and decided to teach them a lesson (but not us; Jen's knows we've been on her side all along). In the picture at the left there she's saying, "So you think I'm pulling this wet suit thingy away from my belly to hide my growing fetus, do ya? Well, I'll show you." And in this one she's obviously saying, "Take that, bitches. I just came from kicking Fabio's ass in a tight abs contest. Why else did you think I was in Hawaii? My beautifully pale ass obviously doesn't like the sun."
(full story) | 28 Jun 2007 - A Public Service Announcement
This is a picture of Jennifer Garner. She has a boyish body and very small breasts, which sometimes make her stomach more prominent. Sometimes she wears shirts that are tight and you can see the contour of her stomach beneath the fabric. For those of you who have never seen the naked body of a female, they usually do not look anything like Gwen Stefani, with a stomach as flat as a dining room table. Sometimes they eat things, and those things then go into a large receptacle in the body that is capable of expanding to hold many, many hot dogs and beers and barbecue potato chips. Also, Jennifer Garner sometimes wears shirts that do not cling to her belly. Maybe she's bloated, or maybe she just doesn't feel like dealing with adjusting a tight garment every five minutes. Neither of these fashion choices mean that she is carrying a Fleck fetus. Also, we're pretty sure that whatever is underneath that tank top feels remarkably similar to a brick wall, and bellies full o' babies don't usually feel like that, unless you are maybe Hulk Hogan's mom. Thank you for your time.
(full story) | 18 Apr 2007 - CNW Junk Drawer: Sexy in Kindergarten
Cameron Diaz has tiny nipples atop her tiny breasts underneath a tiny shirt. No tiny bra in sight. (Drunken Stepfather Jennifer Garner may have allowed Ben Affleck to...
(full story) | 12 Apr 2007 - Jennifer Garner Rolls It, Pats It, Marks It with a "B"
Remember when Jennifer Garner was on that show called Hot Buff Broad in Wigs or whatever it was? Then she got 'Flecked. His semen was like meth in that it...
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