Recent news stories23 Jul 2009 - Jessica Simpson's Life More Pathetic Than We Thought
Poor, poor Jessica Simpson. Recently we were comparing her to Jennifer Aniston, but we think Jessica's situation is more dire. Jen makes millions of dollars a picture; Jessica's sad attempts at cinematic success go straight to video. Sure, they're both desperate enough to date John Mayer, but Jen is routinely linked to her hot male costars; Jess has to troll other professions in hopes that a man might love her. And to top it...
(full story) | 16 Jul 2009 - You Can Be My Wingman Any Time
Laurel and Hardy. Stiller and Wilson. Bert and Ernie. Along with these homies, the longtime bromance of Jennifer Aniston and Courteney Cox will go down in history as one of the greatest of all time. They met as Friends, and Friends they have remained for well over a decade, but the magic may be coming to an end soon. Why? Because Jennifer's genitals (The National Enquirer says: Courteney Cox has ditched her longtime BFF Jennifer...
(full story) | 14 Jul 2009 - That Simpson Girl Just Can't Keep a Man
Do you like the plight of Jennifer Aniston but find it hard to relate to her advanced age? Do you like her perpetual sadness and desperation but wish she were like ten years younger so she could speak directly to your generation? Well, then Jessica Simpson is the girl for you! High-profile failed marriage? Check? Desperation manifested in pathetic, misguided relationship with John Mayer? Check. A hot rack that makes us forget that she's...
(full story) | 30 Apr 2009 - Jennifer Aniston Not Adopting a Baby Boy
It's been years since the whole "dumped for a gorgeous fertile humanitarian" thing, and the tabloids still haven't had any luck in finding poor, sad Jennifer Aniston a man. They've tried and tried, pairing her with every dick-wielder who comes within 200 feet of her, but no luck. She must be unlovable. So screw that part. Give her a baby instead! Babies have to love you! It's, like, the law of nature or something....
(full story) | 24 Apr 2009 - Evan Rachel Wood Draws the Line at Answering Questions
Some days we come to work and whine, "I don't wanna write about Jennifer Aniston. She's booooooring!" But you know what? We suck it up and do it anyway. You want to know why? Because it's our fucking job. So we don't feel much sympathy for actors who complain about promoting their movies. That's how it works. You make a movie, you go talk to people about it so that people like us will...
(full story) | 21 Apr 2009 - Brad and Ang: Boring, Just Like Us!
We know, we know. Sometimes it's hard to find interesting celebrity gossip. Sometimes you end up writing about Jennifer Aniston's shiny hair or Amy Adams's love of Target towels. You've got space to fill. But good lord, Us Weekly, covering Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's sexy, sexy trip to a suburban grocery store? Was this a special grocery store that carries things like chocolate-covered dildoes? Cause otherwise we just don't get it. If you...
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