| Cast list | | Paul Merton | as | Ian | | Clive Owen | as | Bill | | Martin Clunes | as | Dan Hudson | | Caroline Quentin | as | Monica Despacos | | Lizzy McInnerny | as | Brigitta | | Arthur Smith | as | Taxi driver | | Chris England | as | Man in restaurant | | Gary Lineker | as | Himself | | Alistair McGowan | as | John Motson (voice) |
| | Crew list: | | Andy Wilson (Director) | | Chris England (Writer) | | Arthur Smith (Writer) |
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